It's getting better all the time.........

 Well, I was certainly depressed on December the 5th...Life has become a bit more bearable.

I am finally sleeping and (almost) getting enough rest.  Food is beginning to taste like food instead of cardboard. I (almost) have an appetite again. So, things are looking a bit better each week that passes.

I still find myself crying over completely inconsequential things. Like putting on a jacket to go outside and realizing it is either too hot or too cold for whatever jacket I chose. Not having clean blue socks and having to wear the tie dyed ones instead.  Having run out of hazelnut creamer and having to use (gasp) milk instead.

I was finally able to grocery shop by myself and found that I had two cans of bean soup in my cart when I went to check out. I HATE bean soup...that was only for George. I also had two cans of Spam...again, I HATE Spam.

I got through the checkout but once in the truck bawled like a baby. 

I no longer automatically cry when speaking of George, but then I still speak as if he is HERE....Once i realize HOW I am speaking THEN I begin to sob again. I'm now convinced I should have purchased stock in Kleenix back when I had the chance. I'd be rich just from the amount of money I have spent on them since September.

I was convinced I had a reasonable budget set up for the coming year until I received THREE notices from Social Security...all written on the same day...and ALL with differing amounts as to what I will receive in January. Calling to request an appointment to speak with someone is impossible. It was easier to get a medical appointment with the Army when George was active duty...and THEN I had to call on the second Tuesday of the month between 7 and 8 am and pray I was close enough to first in line to get an appointment eight months in the future!

But, even with the annoyances of Social Security and me bawling at absolutely NOTHING for no damned reason at all, life is becoming better each day. George was so right when he wrote "Sue, it won't be easy but YOU can do anything if you just get through one day...or one hour...or one minute at a time. I LOVE you and BELIEVE in you.  George"

Those are the first and last words George wrote on his "list of instructions for my wife".

I am so grateful that I was George's wife, his lover, and his best friend. Who else would have left me instructions that would allow me to get through each day while learning how to live without him?

Aging less than gracefully

 I have only the best intentions when it comes to my golden years, yet I am continually bombarded with my own lack of grace in the process.  So far, in my quest to have a happy and/or contented retirement I have had issue after issue medically: heart attacks, strokes, cataracts, gall bladder...I mean what exactly is left?

After 50 plus years as a small yet admittedly voluptuous size, I have ballooned into what my mother would have called "pleasingly plumb but verging on fat". Why do our mothers (well American ones anyway) all seem to give us body dysmorphia? Going from size eight to size 16 is difficult enough without her words floating through my head. 

And of course, with heart disease it is difficult to exercise to the point of actually burning calories so the weight will fall off....sustained exercise is all but impossible now.

That leaves starvation as the means to lose weight. And don't say "KETO" to me. I also have metabolic syndrome, that lovely diabetes mellitus precursor, so I can't eat what is on that diet and maintain my sugar levels. Besides eating all that meat puts me off mentally. I'd happily go vegetarian but could never get George to give up his hamburgers, and I refuse to cook two meals every night.

So, what's a girl to do?

I made a decision to say SCREW IT whenever I begin to feel "fat" or "less than" anyone because of my weight.  I will quite happily float on into old age at a size 16...heck, I wouldn't even mind a size 22 now....except I'd need a new wardrobe and I am too cheap to get one.

So as long as my meds work, my eyes continue to see and my heart continue to beat I'm going to enjoy whatever time I have left.  And if it bothers anyone? Well, that's THEIR problem. They can just get over it or look the other way.

back again or just being annoying?

 So, am I back? or Not?

Haven't a clue. I simply know that I miss writing and this is the only word processor sort of thing on my computer...so here I am typing away.

It remains to be seen if I have anything at all of value to blather about.

It's been over two years since I "retired" the blog, and then it was because no one bothered to read the crap I was spewing...I had switched from WordPress back here to blogger and only one person seemed to know where to find me (even though I sent out multiple notifications to my "followers").  Now I realize I want the writing whether anyone "follows" me or not.

Okay, I guess I just answered the first question......I suppose I am "back".

or not.

I got out of the fakebook habit, can not abide twitter..no clue what Instagram is all about, but I do like Pinterest.  I keep track of former online gamer friends and ex-bloggers that way. Plus it's nice to find those strange Egyptian recipes I like.

I got a new freezer this week, and now have to go shop to fill the danged thing. Good thing my Medicare provider sent me a 500 buck debit card for groceries this week! Yea us! Tomorrow is son enough to go to the store. 

The fun times just keep coming! George found a small group of bedbugs on his mattress, so we have stripped the bed, sprayed it within an inch of its life, washed the mattress covers in hot (damned HOT!) water with a ton of bleach and washed every sheet, blanket and quilt that came anywhere near his bed.  Also had the joy of vacuuming the floors multiple times in an effort to kill the damned bugs.

The fun just never ends!

Ok, since now I am whinging instead of blogging, I'm off to check Pinterest.

Saturday morning

 After organizing all the cupboards in my kitchen and pantry, I fell asleep far too early.

That made me wake up at the unGodly hour of 3:30 this morning.

Too much coffee later, I am wishing I were 23 years old again and not bound by the physical laws of nature.....

So, is today going to be laid back and filled with reading and lounging?

I could only wish..first it's 50 gazillion loads of laundry...none of which can be hung to dry since it is "fixin to gully wash" as the locals say. 

Second, there's some landscaping..well, that's done already. Did it before the night skies turned to dawn. Now to fill in the rock garden with actual river rocks.

I need to touch up paint in the living room. And finish rearranging the dishes.

sigh.

It was so much easier being a kid. Then all I had to deal with was watching cartoons for hours before playing outside with friends until the sun went down..eating at whomever's house the Mom caught us around lunchtime.....going home for dinner when our own Mother yelled out the screen doors.

Ya'll just keep remembering your own childhoods while I go put wet stuff in the dryer and stat another load of laundry.

Considering a kitchen reconstruction

 Our cottage is a 1920's wanna-be Craftsman style home......built not so much for style but simply as a place to get out of the weather.

George and I have been replacing floors, upgrading plumbing systems and electrical, painting and "prettifying' the house since we moved in.

I've wanted to do SOMETHING to the horrid tiny kitchen for going on six years now, but until recently all other things had to be done first.

Money is always an issue with us as we are both retired and our social security just doesn't allow for pricy upgrades.

But, now..all important upgrades have been done and maintenance is easy.......so it is time to think about what I want.

I want open shelves. I want an extension on the corner end of my counter-top. I want it to look nice but remain cheap.

What I have now are crappy ancient metal or particleboard cabinets attached to the wall. They don't have enough shelf space within, nor is the distance between shelves (vertically) appropriate for modern packaging.

I decided that shelves instead of cabinets would be nice, but instead of just yanking off the cabs from the wall, I'd take the doors off and "live with them for a while".

And I ended up rearranging all my canned and pantry goods because I couldn't stand the way some of them looked on open shelves.

They make much more sense to me now..as I can easily see all canned goods at a glance, and yes, I sorted them all.

And, I've begun the search for under-sink cabs that will fit the style of my 1920's cottage yet be updated enough for plenty of storage options.

I've almost decided a farmhouse table under the sink with corner cabs will work. But I can't decide on the style. I am keeping my 1920's sink......I LOVE it. I just need to figure out a base.

HELP! Just remember..super small fixed income here so everything will be second hand (or free).

staying positive

 I decided that today I will not bitch.  I will not moan about how unfair life is being.

I will not frown at the news when George plays it online for seven hours nonstop.

I won't even frown at George for being such a GUY.

Nope, today I am going to remain positive EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

G cashed in his IRA at a former bank yesterday, and picked up the check today.

He then stuck it into our savings account because

1. we are over 59 1/2 and are allowed to do that and

2. there won't be an IRS penalty (because we are officially old farts)

 I'm staying "happy" about it because of no extra taxes and sheer determination not to be a whinger today.

Except...........I know my hubby......and that money (now he knows it is there) is suddenly going to start burning holes in his pockets.

He is the original proponent of "retail therapy"........and so help me, if he takes out one blasted cent I am gonna have to beat him with a frying pan.

with permission Hallmark Licensing, Inc.

there's something about color......

 When I get bored........or sad.........or just plain anxious for no reason at all, my mind instantly begins to focus on the colors surrounding me.

I love bright colors.....deep shades of rose, coral, yellow and blues....

They just lift my spirits and make me,........well....HAPPY!

Yesterday I painted my living room.  Garry, Angie and George all helped and the job was done in a few hours. (You can tell Great friends from good ones by the amount of work they happily do for you....Ang and Garry are the BEST!!!)

Last week, we all helped Angie paint HER bedroom, and George and I fell in love with one of her accent colors...a deep and rich violet.

So, of course, yesterday we used her accent color as my wall color.

The room used to be a bright coral.....with turquoise accents on the window sills and door frames. 

I loved that too...until I didn't. It only took four years (or is it five) but I did eventually get sick of it.

People tend to either love or hate the colors in my home. George (Bless his heart) let's me do whatever I wish.  In Texas, our home was described by my late mother as a "looking like a Mexican whorehouse".......everything was deep red, blue, yellow and green......I still wonder how exactly she knew what Mexican whorehouses looked like?

Now our home is still vibrant, but not so much "in your face" bold. Soft blue in the dining room, lavender in the bedroom........and violet in the living room. 

It's still bright but a bit calmer now.

Maybe it has something to do with retirement...now we can relax and don't need the house to energize us.  I'm not sure..

What I do know is that when I woke up this morning and walked into the room I discovered a huge smile on my face. And I am happy.

Questions I found on Ally Bean's blog...

 Ally Bean writes an incredible blog called "The Spectacled Bean". Go check her out...I can wait for you to read my idiotic responses to 20 questions Ally found while wandering the bloggsphere..

20 questions:

Your most memorable fancy dress costume? Renaissance garb.........at Scarborough Faire in Waxahachie, Texas.  I'm wearing the Porteous plaid (my dad's ancestral plaid)

Which social media platform do you use the most? Wordpress. Well, I WAS on WP until they ticked me off entirely..now on Blogger (3rd times a charm) I have a facebook account but am rarely on it....well rarely now means only once a day or so instead of all day long.

 

Favourite season? Autumn. or maybe Spring.........possibly Summer..but then again, I like Winter. 

 

If you had to choose the beach or mountains, which would it be? it depends on WHICH beach and WHICH mountains.  I would be on Taba beach in Egypt.........or the Blue ridge mountains in western Virginia...up near skyline Drive (Sperryville)

 What can you play very well? The slighty ditzy grandmother...........did you mean games? musical instruments? I'll just stick with my original response. It's far more accurate

 

What kind of cheese do you like? I like a lot of different types of cheese. it's easier listing what I don't like. that would be Stilton, Blue cheese and Limburger........well any stinky cheese really.

 

Life goal? met thank you. I have no goals now I am ancient and retired. Okay, fine..I have a goal. to make sure Trump never makes it back into any public office and is prosecuted for the crimes he has committed while in office.

 

How many cities have you lived in? oh lordie...Fairfax, Va.; Springfield, Va; Elon College, NC; Beech Mountain, NC;  Burlington, NC; Raleigh, NC; Alexandria, Va.; Arlington, Va.; Orlando, Fl; Jacksonville, Fl.; Chicago, Il; North Chicago, Il.; Waukegan, Il; Los Angeles, Ca.; Yreka, Ca.; Medford, Or; Pasadena, Tx; Houston, Tx; Austin, Tx; Cedar Park; Tx; Cottonwood Shores, Tx; El Paso, Tx.; Charleston, SC; Jackson, Tn; Dixon, Tn.; Nashville, Tn; Cumberland Furnace, Tn; Hurricane Mills, Tn.; Jackson, Ms.;  Altoona, Pa.; Enid, Ok. How many is that? I think I got em all....no I am missing a few Texas cities..........Nacadoches, Tx; New Caney, Tx.; Lufkin, Tx. There! done.

 

What language do you wish you could speak? Spanish

 

What can’t you stand? Social injustice and screaming babies on an overseas flight

 

If you have an hour to kill on your hands, what would you do? read

 

Your favorite routine? doing what I feel like doing when I feel like it. I AM retired ya know.

 

When do you become hyperactive? Never

 

Text message or phone call? Phone call. Text messages were designed by people who never leaned to spell.

 

Your most precious treasure? my husband

 

Your latest foreign language mistake? haven't made one in years so I really can't answer this one.

 

What’s the best therapy for you? swinging on my front porch swing, a glass of sweet tea and a good book.

 

If you could be a fictional character, who would you be? Jo, from Little Women....or....Doctor Who's companion.

 

Where would you like to travel? Ireland and Wales.....or back to Guatemala, Egypt or Israel.....or even back to Mexico.  Probably New Zealand......or maybe Australia. Or Peru. Peru would be cool.

 

Where did you meet your spouse/partner? 4th grade classmate.

Sunday Morning

 This morning arrived with bright blue skies, a cool breeze and the sound of songbirds.

George had made a pot of coffee (will wonders NEVER cease?) and we shared a cup on the back porch.

Gold finches, rose finches, sparrows, cedar waxwings and a few orioles blessed us by sharing breakfast..Pyewacket lounging on George's lap and paying zero attention to the birds.

A squirrel snuck through the fence to feast on the remains of the last cantaloupe and watermelon from the garden, constantly aware of Pye's location.

Hummingbirds finally noticed the feeders hanging near the grave sites of two pets lost to us but never forgotten. They happily buzzed about and drank their fill.

It was a glorious way to start the week.

the little things

 Today is my hubby George's birthday.  The old man finally caught up to me....yes, my birthday was a week and a half ago but I love teasing him that I married a younger man.

I baked him a German Chocolate cake and his present is basically just do whatever HE wants today. Eat whatever, sleep whenever.

For some reason he thinks those are the best gifts of all.