It's getting better all the time.........

 Well, I was certainly depressed on December the 5th...Life has become a bit more bearable.

I am finally sleeping and (almost) getting enough rest.  Food is beginning to taste like food instead of cardboard. I (almost) have an appetite again. So, things are looking a bit better each week that passes.

I still find myself crying over completely inconsequential things. Like putting on a jacket to go outside and realizing it is either too hot or too cold for whatever jacket I chose. Not having clean blue socks and having to wear the tie dyed ones instead.  Having run out of hazelnut creamer and having to use (gasp) milk instead.

I was finally able to grocery shop by myself and found that I had two cans of bean soup in my cart when I went to check out. I HATE bean soup...that was only for George. I also had two cans of Spam...again, I HATE Spam.

I got through the checkout but once in the truck bawled like a baby. 

I no longer automatically cry when speaking of George, but then I still speak as if he is HERE....Once i realize HOW I am speaking THEN I begin to sob again. I'm now convinced I should have purchased stock in Kleenix back when I had the chance. I'd be rich just from the amount of money I have spent on them since September.

I was convinced I had a reasonable budget set up for the coming year until I received THREE notices from Social Security...all written on the same day...and ALL with differing amounts as to what I will receive in January. Calling to request an appointment to speak with someone is impossible. It was easier to get a medical appointment with the Army when George was active duty...and THEN I had to call on the second Tuesday of the month between 7 and 8 am and pray I was close enough to first in line to get an appointment eight months in the future!

But, even with the annoyances of Social Security and me bawling at absolutely NOTHING for no damned reason at all, life is becoming better each day. George was so right when he wrote "Sue, it won't be easy but YOU can do anything if you just get through one day...or one hour...or one minute at a time. I LOVE you and BELIEVE in you.  George"

Those are the first and last words George wrote on his "list of instructions for my wife".

I am so grateful that I was George's wife, his lover, and his best friend. Who else would have left me instructions that would allow me to get through each day while learning how to live without him?

Considering a kitchen reconstruction

 Our cottage is a 1920's wanna-be Craftsman style home......built not so much for style but simply as a place to get out of the weather.

George and I have been replacing floors, upgrading plumbing systems and electrical, painting and "prettifying' the house since we moved in.

I've wanted to do SOMETHING to the horrid tiny kitchen for going on six years now, but until recently all other things had to be done first.

Money is always an issue with us as we are both retired and our social security just doesn't allow for pricy upgrades.

But, now..all important upgrades have been done and maintenance is easy.......so it is time to think about what I want.

I want open shelves. I want an extension on the corner end of my counter-top. I want it to look nice but remain cheap.

What I have now are crappy ancient metal or particleboard cabinets attached to the wall. They don't have enough shelf space within, nor is the distance between shelves (vertically) appropriate for modern packaging.

I decided that shelves instead of cabinets would be nice, but instead of just yanking off the cabs from the wall, I'd take the doors off and "live with them for a while".

And I ended up rearranging all my canned and pantry goods because I couldn't stand the way some of them looked on open shelves.

They make much more sense to me now..as I can easily see all canned goods at a glance, and yes, I sorted them all.

And, I've begun the search for under-sink cabs that will fit the style of my 1920's cottage yet be updated enough for plenty of storage options.

I've almost decided a farmhouse table under the sink with corner cabs will work. But I can't decide on the style. I am keeping my 1920's sink......I LOVE it. I just need to figure out a base.

HELP! Just remember..super small fixed income here so everything will be second hand (or free).

staying positive

 I decided that today I will not bitch.  I will not moan about how unfair life is being.

I will not frown at the news when George plays it online for seven hours nonstop.

I won't even frown at George for being such a GUY.

Nope, today I am going to remain positive EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

G cashed in his IRA at a former bank yesterday, and picked up the check today.

He then stuck it into our savings account because

1. we are over 59 1/2 and are allowed to do that and

2. there won't be an IRS penalty (because we are officially old farts)

 I'm staying "happy" about it because of no extra taxes and sheer determination not to be a whinger today.

Except...........I know my hubby......and that money (now he knows it is there) is suddenly going to start burning holes in his pockets.

He is the original proponent of "retail therapy"........and so help me, if he takes out one blasted cent I am gonna have to beat him with a frying pan.

with permission Hallmark Licensing, Inc.