It's getting better all the time.........

 Well, I was certainly depressed on December the 5th...Life has become a bit more bearable.

I am finally sleeping and (almost) getting enough rest.  Food is beginning to taste like food instead of cardboard. I (almost) have an appetite again. So, things are looking a bit better each week that passes.

I still find myself crying over completely inconsequential things. Like putting on a jacket to go outside and realizing it is either too hot or too cold for whatever jacket I chose. Not having clean blue socks and having to wear the tie dyed ones instead.  Having run out of hazelnut creamer and having to use (gasp) milk instead.

I was finally able to grocery shop by myself and found that I had two cans of bean soup in my cart when I went to check out. I HATE bean soup...that was only for George. I also had two cans of Spam...again, I HATE Spam.

I got through the checkout but once in the truck bawled like a baby. 

I no longer automatically cry when speaking of George, but then I still speak as if he is HERE....Once i realize HOW I am speaking THEN I begin to sob again. I'm now convinced I should have purchased stock in Kleenix back when I had the chance. I'd be rich just from the amount of money I have spent on them since September.

I was convinced I had a reasonable budget set up for the coming year until I received THREE notices from Social Security...all written on the same day...and ALL with differing amounts as to what I will receive in January. Calling to request an appointment to speak with someone is impossible. It was easier to get a medical appointment with the Army when George was active duty...and THEN I had to call on the second Tuesday of the month between 7 and 8 am and pray I was close enough to first in line to get an appointment eight months in the future!

But, even with the annoyances of Social Security and me bawling at absolutely NOTHING for no damned reason at all, life is becoming better each day. George was so right when he wrote "Sue, it won't be easy but YOU can do anything if you just get through one day...or one hour...or one minute at a time. I LOVE you and BELIEVE in you.  George"

Those are the first and last words George wrote on his "list of instructions for my wife".

I am so grateful that I was George's wife, his lover, and his best friend. Who else would have left me instructions that would allow me to get through each day while learning how to live without him?

Retiring the blog

 It's time.

For over 12 years I have been blathering at the universe through the medium of a blog.

I've "met' people from literally every corner of the world; had incredible discussions (some would call them arguments) about religion, politics, social justice, criminal justice..........................also shared recipes, insights into basic family life and so much more.

I have received kudos and complaints............praise and vilification.

All in all, it has been a wonderful part of my life.

Like all things though, its time has come and gone....

It's taken me a while to acknowledge it, but look it in the face and say hello I have done.

So, this is the last post.

There are people who have come to mean the world to me and I want to thank them here.

Cyranny of Cyranny's cove.......a blessing of a friend from Canada, aka Freezingland. You, my dear sweet girl, are a blessing to all you meet and interact with, whether online or in real life. You have added laughter, tears and such abundant love to my life and I bless you for it.

Harini of The Long View.  My farming friend from India..who in her later years, with her husband, followed their dream of owning a farm. Bless you my friend and Namaste.

Melanie or Sparks from a combustible mind.......Mel, your challenges, and conversations totally rock!

Saumya of Randomness Inked. One of the loveliest young women I have ever met. Compassionate, considerate, willing to assist others at the drop of a hat. Another of my International friends.

Katina.  I "met" Katina just a few short months ago...but what an impression she made upon me. Another lover of Dr Who...a single mom doing her best to raise a precocious child without family assistance......riding her magical pegacorn through life while dealing with significant issues. I adore her. Please visit her and give her some love. She is so deserving of it.

There are so many others that it is impossible for me to thank individually.  I am pretty sure each of them knows how I feel about them. Tom, Fandango, Calico Jack....Joe, Robert, Carol and Suzanne.....Linda, Melody, Sarah and Elizabeth...J-dub, Jill, and all the rest.

I will miss you all.

But the one I will miss the most (thank whomever for FaceBook) is Larry. We've followed each other through thick and thin and it feels as if I am leaving behind a family member. 

Namaste

Saturday morning

 After organizing all the cupboards in my kitchen and pantry, I fell asleep far too early.

That made me wake up at the unGodly hour of 3:30 this morning.

Too much coffee later, I am wishing I were 23 years old again and not bound by the physical laws of nature.....

So, is today going to be laid back and filled with reading and lounging?

I could only wish..first it's 50 gazillion loads of laundry...none of which can be hung to dry since it is "fixin to gully wash" as the locals say. 

Second, there's some landscaping..well, that's done already. Did it before the night skies turned to dawn. Now to fill in the rock garden with actual river rocks.

I need to touch up paint in the living room. And finish rearranging the dishes.

sigh.

It was so much easier being a kid. Then all I had to deal with was watching cartoons for hours before playing outside with friends until the sun went down..eating at whomever's house the Mom caught us around lunchtime.....going home for dinner when our own Mother yelled out the screen doors.

Ya'll just keep remembering your own childhoods while I go put wet stuff in the dryer and stat another load of laundry.