It's getting better all the time.........

 Well, I was certainly depressed on December the 5th...Life has become a bit more bearable.

I am finally sleeping and (almost) getting enough rest.  Food is beginning to taste like food instead of cardboard. I (almost) have an appetite again. So, things are looking a bit better each week that passes.

I still find myself crying over completely inconsequential things. Like putting on a jacket to go outside and realizing it is either too hot or too cold for whatever jacket I chose. Not having clean blue socks and having to wear the tie dyed ones instead.  Having run out of hazelnut creamer and having to use (gasp) milk instead.

I was finally able to grocery shop by myself and found that I had two cans of bean soup in my cart when I went to check out. I HATE bean soup...that was only for George. I also had two cans of Spam...again, I HATE Spam.

I got through the checkout but once in the truck bawled like a baby. 

I no longer automatically cry when speaking of George, but then I still speak as if he is HERE....Once i realize HOW I am speaking THEN I begin to sob again. I'm now convinced I should have purchased stock in Kleenix back when I had the chance. I'd be rich just from the amount of money I have spent on them since September.

I was convinced I had a reasonable budget set up for the coming year until I received THREE notices from Social Security...all written on the same day...and ALL with differing amounts as to what I will receive in January. Calling to request an appointment to speak with someone is impossible. It was easier to get a medical appointment with the Army when George was active duty...and THEN I had to call on the second Tuesday of the month between 7 and 8 am and pray I was close enough to first in line to get an appointment eight months in the future!

But, even with the annoyances of Social Security and me bawling at absolutely NOTHING for no damned reason at all, life is becoming better each day. George was so right when he wrote "Sue, it won't be easy but YOU can do anything if you just get through one day...or one hour...or one minute at a time. I LOVE you and BELIEVE in you.  George"

Those are the first and last words George wrote on his "list of instructions for my wife".

I am so grateful that I was George's wife, his lover, and his best friend. Who else would have left me instructions that would allow me to get through each day while learning how to live without him?