It's getting better all the time.........

 Well, I was certainly depressed on December the 5th...Life has become a bit more bearable.

I am finally sleeping and (almost) getting enough rest.  Food is beginning to taste like food instead of cardboard. I (almost) have an appetite again. So, things are looking a bit better each week that passes.

I still find myself crying over completely inconsequential things. Like putting on a jacket to go outside and realizing it is either too hot or too cold for whatever jacket I chose. Not having clean blue socks and having to wear the tie dyed ones instead.  Having run out of hazelnut creamer and having to use (gasp) milk instead.

I was finally able to grocery shop by myself and found that I had two cans of bean soup in my cart when I went to check out. I HATE bean soup...that was only for George. I also had two cans of Spam...again, I HATE Spam.

I got through the checkout but once in the truck bawled like a baby. 

I no longer automatically cry when speaking of George, but then I still speak as if he is HERE....Once i realize HOW I am speaking THEN I begin to sob again. I'm now convinced I should have purchased stock in Kleenix back when I had the chance. I'd be rich just from the amount of money I have spent on them since September.

I was convinced I had a reasonable budget set up for the coming year until I received THREE notices from Social Security...all written on the same day...and ALL with differing amounts as to what I will receive in January. Calling to request an appointment to speak with someone is impossible. It was easier to get a medical appointment with the Army when George was active duty...and THEN I had to call on the second Tuesday of the month between 7 and 8 am and pray I was close enough to first in line to get an appointment eight months in the future!

But, even with the annoyances of Social Security and me bawling at absolutely NOTHING for no damned reason at all, life is becoming better each day. George was so right when he wrote "Sue, it won't be easy but YOU can do anything if you just get through one day...or one hour...or one minute at a time. I LOVE you and BELIEVE in you.  George"

Those are the first and last words George wrote on his "list of instructions for my wife".

I am so grateful that I was George's wife, his lover, and his best friend. Who else would have left me instructions that would allow me to get through each day while learning how to live without him?

Aging less than gracefully

 I have only the best intentions when it comes to my golden years, yet I am continually bombarded with my own lack of grace in the process.  So far, in my quest to have a happy and/or contented retirement I have had issue after issue medically: heart attacks, strokes, cataracts, gall bladder...I mean what exactly is left?

After 50 plus years as a small yet admittedly voluptuous size, I have ballooned into what my mother would have called "pleasingly plumb but verging on fat". Why do our mothers (well American ones anyway) all seem to give us body dysmorphia? Going from size eight to size 16 is difficult enough without her words floating through my head. 

And of course, with heart disease it is difficult to exercise to the point of actually burning calories so the weight will fall off....sustained exercise is all but impossible now.

That leaves starvation as the means to lose weight. And don't say "KETO" to me. I also have metabolic syndrome, that lovely diabetes mellitus precursor, so I can't eat what is on that diet and maintain my sugar levels. Besides eating all that meat puts me off mentally. I'd happily go vegetarian but could never get George to give up his hamburgers, and I refuse to cook two meals every night.

So, what's a girl to do?

I made a decision to say SCREW IT whenever I begin to feel "fat" or "less than" anyone because of my weight.  I will quite happily float on into old age at a size 16...heck, I wouldn't even mind a size 22 now....except I'd need a new wardrobe and I am too cheap to get one.

So as long as my meds work, my eyes continue to see and my heart continue to beat I'm going to enjoy whatever time I have left.  And if it bothers anyone? Well, that's THEIR problem. They can just get over it or look the other way.

back again or just being annoying?

 So, am I back? or Not?

Haven't a clue. I simply know that I miss writing and this is the only word processor sort of thing on my computer...so here I am typing away.

It remains to be seen if I have anything at all of value to blather about.

It's been over two years since I "retired" the blog, and then it was because no one bothered to read the crap I was spewing...I had switched from WordPress back here to blogger and only one person seemed to know where to find me (even though I sent out multiple notifications to my "followers").  Now I realize I want the writing whether anyone "follows" me or not.

Okay, I guess I just answered the first question......I suppose I am "back".

or not.

I got out of the fakebook habit, can not abide twitter..no clue what Instagram is all about, but I do like Pinterest.  I keep track of former online gamer friends and ex-bloggers that way. Plus it's nice to find those strange Egyptian recipes I like.

I got a new freezer this week, and now have to go shop to fill the danged thing. Good thing my Medicare provider sent me a 500 buck debit card for groceries this week! Yea us! Tomorrow is son enough to go to the store. 

The fun times just keep coming! George found a small group of bedbugs on his mattress, so we have stripped the bed, sprayed it within an inch of its life, washed the mattress covers in hot (damned HOT!) water with a ton of bleach and washed every sheet, blanket and quilt that came anywhere near his bed.  Also had the joy of vacuuming the floors multiple times in an effort to kill the damned bugs.

The fun just never ends!

Ok, since now I am whinging instead of blogging, I'm off to check Pinterest.

Retiring the blog

 It's time.

For over 12 years I have been blathering at the universe through the medium of a blog.

I've "met' people from literally every corner of the world; had incredible discussions (some would call them arguments) about religion, politics, social justice, criminal justice..........................also shared recipes, insights into basic family life and so much more.

I have received kudos and complaints............praise and vilification.

All in all, it has been a wonderful part of my life.

Like all things though, its time has come and gone....

It's taken me a while to acknowledge it, but look it in the face and say hello I have done.

So, this is the last post.

There are people who have come to mean the world to me and I want to thank them here.

Cyranny of Cyranny's cove.......a blessing of a friend from Canada, aka Freezingland. You, my dear sweet girl, are a blessing to all you meet and interact with, whether online or in real life. You have added laughter, tears and such abundant love to my life and I bless you for it.

Harini of The Long View.  My farming friend from India..who in her later years, with her husband, followed their dream of owning a farm. Bless you my friend and Namaste.

Melanie or Sparks from a combustible mind.......Mel, your challenges, and conversations totally rock!

Saumya of Randomness Inked. One of the loveliest young women I have ever met. Compassionate, considerate, willing to assist others at the drop of a hat. Another of my International friends.

Katina.  I "met" Katina just a few short months ago...but what an impression she made upon me. Another lover of Dr Who...a single mom doing her best to raise a precocious child without family assistance......riding her magical pegacorn through life while dealing with significant issues. I adore her. Please visit her and give her some love. She is so deserving of it.

There are so many others that it is impossible for me to thank individually.  I am pretty sure each of them knows how I feel about them. Tom, Fandango, Calico Jack....Joe, Robert, Carol and Suzanne.....Linda, Melody, Sarah and Elizabeth...J-dub, Jill, and all the rest.

I will miss you all.

But the one I will miss the most (thank whomever for FaceBook) is Larry. We've followed each other through thick and thin and it feels as if I am leaving behind a family member. 

Namaste

once more with feeling...

  For some reason (yes we all KNOW the reason. it has a name...SUZE) my blog is not showing on any search engine.

That's right. It has disappeared.

(I don't see anything here, do you?)

Unless one knows its address one can never find the words so lovingly blathered (blithered?) upon the computer screen by me......Suze.

Yes, I know, I know....who really cares that Suze is blithering and babbling upon a computer?  

Hopefully someone does.  If not this second attempt has just flown beyond silly and into the realm of vast stupidity.

I hope.......yes I really do......that this time it has some charm attached and the post is visible to others.

I have nothing but admiration for those who understand the directions given by webbery employees in all the convoluted verbiage of computerese.......I don't get it.

I have "instructions" that force my mind into thoughts of vivisection.........of webmasters and their minions....throwing parts hither and yon whilst said webmasters and minions scream for mercy.

Unfortunately I can't physically get my addlepated mits upon them.......much to their relief I am sure.

So, this is an experiment...one in which we shall see if perhaps some irrational verbiage explodes into the ether of the web...........or is found floating within the confines of a search result.

Wish me luck? 

forgot the pictures........

 Okay, so I did two major things in my home over the last two weeks...

I painted the living room and I wrenched off cupboard doors in the kitchen and rearranged all the canned goods, etc.

And I completely failed to stick in pictures.

Heck I could have been just babbling for all you know.......so........

Here's proof I actually did something!

First the pretty living room. Remember it used to be coral and turquoise........Now:

Pretty, Huh?  Okay, so for most people it's a bit much.....but for me, it is pretty darned calm!

And I cleared the pantry...

and put the things I use daily..coffee, flour, sugar, etc onto a pretty shelf.

For once, everything is easy for me to find and looks neat on the shelves.

It seems though, that once one thing is done (and works) it opens up a dozen more projects.

But, right now I am tired and simply going to go read a book.

Considering a kitchen reconstruction

 Our cottage is a 1920's wanna-be Craftsman style home......built not so much for style but simply as a place to get out of the weather.

George and I have been replacing floors, upgrading plumbing systems and electrical, painting and "prettifying' the house since we moved in.

I've wanted to do SOMETHING to the horrid tiny kitchen for going on six years now, but until recently all other things had to be done first.

Money is always an issue with us as we are both retired and our social security just doesn't allow for pricy upgrades.

But, now..all important upgrades have been done and maintenance is easy.......so it is time to think about what I want.

I want open shelves. I want an extension on the corner end of my counter-top. I want it to look nice but remain cheap.

What I have now are crappy ancient metal or particleboard cabinets attached to the wall. They don't have enough shelf space within, nor is the distance between shelves (vertically) appropriate for modern packaging.

I decided that shelves instead of cabinets would be nice, but instead of just yanking off the cabs from the wall, I'd take the doors off and "live with them for a while".

And I ended up rearranging all my canned and pantry goods because I couldn't stand the way some of them looked on open shelves.

They make much more sense to me now..as I can easily see all canned goods at a glance, and yes, I sorted them all.

And, I've begun the search for under-sink cabs that will fit the style of my 1920's cottage yet be updated enough for plenty of storage options.

I've almost decided a farmhouse table under the sink with corner cabs will work. But I can't decide on the style. I am keeping my 1920's sink......I LOVE it. I just need to figure out a base.

HELP! Just remember..super small fixed income here so everything will be second hand (or free).

i knew it would be difficult

 rebuilding a blog on a different site....I knew I'd feel a bit lost...but for some reason it never occurred to me that I would feel lonely.

For those who do not blog, bloggers want to have people reading their work..or looking at their photos..or trying their recipes or advice.

They interact with people who "follow" their blog..through comments mostly, sometimes through mutual challenges.

One "follows" either through an email subscription or by a "feed' into a community page.

My former blog has a community page where I could easily stay posted on what my followers, and those bloggers I followed were sharing. It became a huge "family".

But, in moving, I lost my followers. Oh they knew where I was going (I told them), but few have followed me over. (they are busy...sigh...yea right Suze)

And I miss them. 

I considered attempting to make a "community page" where everyone could post through an rss feed...but just because I know what words to use doesn't mean I have the slightest idea how to actually DO IT.

So, I just keep hoping that someone somewhere sees a post and thinks "I should follow her" and actually subscribe.

In the meantime, I'll just keep blathering on and wishing for a friend or two to pop in and just say hello.

there's something about color......

 When I get bored........or sad.........or just plain anxious for no reason at all, my mind instantly begins to focus on the colors surrounding me.

I love bright colors.....deep shades of rose, coral, yellow and blues....

They just lift my spirits and make me,........well....HAPPY!

Yesterday I painted my living room.  Garry, Angie and George all helped and the job was done in a few hours. (You can tell Great friends from good ones by the amount of work they happily do for you....Ang and Garry are the BEST!!!)

Last week, we all helped Angie paint HER bedroom, and George and I fell in love with one of her accent colors...a deep and rich violet.

So, of course, yesterday we used her accent color as my wall color.

The room used to be a bright coral.....with turquoise accents on the window sills and door frames. 

I loved that too...until I didn't. It only took four years (or is it five) but I did eventually get sick of it.

People tend to either love or hate the colors in my home. George (Bless his heart) let's me do whatever I wish.  In Texas, our home was described by my late mother as a "looking like a Mexican whorehouse".......everything was deep red, blue, yellow and green......I still wonder how exactly she knew what Mexican whorehouses looked like?

Now our home is still vibrant, but not so much "in your face" bold. Soft blue in the dining room, lavender in the bedroom........and violet in the living room. 

It's still bright but a bit calmer now.

Maybe it has something to do with retirement...now we can relax and don't need the house to energize us.  I'm not sure..

What I do know is that when I woke up this morning and walked into the room I discovered a huge smile on my face. And I am happy.

a brand new day.....

 Today is a brand new start...at least when it comes to the blog.

After 11 years on WordPress, today I deleted that blog. Yep, Obsolete Childhood is no more.

Oh, I did download all my posts, comments etc.....and I did download every single picture.

But, the blog has been deleted.

Why you may ask, did I stay for eleven years and through many changes only to leave it all today? The people mostly. Other bloggers.  The feeling of family we have between us.

But even a feeling of "these guys are family, even annoying uncle Bob is here" wasn't enough to overcome the final straw.

WP changed the editor..the very way I post my blatherings, rants, successes and bad (really bad) poetry. They "upgraded" the editor..thus making it impossible to understand or use.

Not only did they change it, but they seemed rather proud of themselves for making so very many bloggers miserable trying to understand the blasted thing, AND they were CONDESCENDING ABOUT IT".

And, that my friends, is NOT the way to act towards a rather grumpy, and definitely snarky old lady.

So, I am once again back on Blogger...and the blog name has been resurrected...obsolete childhood has risen once again..and the editor is pretty much the same as it was when I left almost twelve years ago.

Now, if Blogger only had a community page where other bloggers could share posts and advice, it would be just about the perfect blog platform.

One can only hope (and send multiple requests) that this will come about.